中英双语 A Victim of the Consumer Crusaders

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1、AVictimoftheConsumerCrusadersIcan’teatordrinkanything.Ican’tgoanywhere.Ihavebecomeavictimoftheconsumerreporter.EversinceRalphNaderandhispalesstartedinvestigating,Ihavegraduallybecomeananorexianervosahermit.MyfriendswarnmethatI’vebeentakingthenewstooseriously.But

2、ifyoureadthepaperandwatchtelevisioneverynight,youbegintogetthefeelingthatifthemuggerdoesn’tkillyou—BOTULISMwill!Ihaveceasedeatingfromacan.Thetiniestdentsendsmeintofitsofterror.Afterall,theNewYorkTimessaidthatsevenouncesofbotulismbacteriacouldkilltheentirehumanra

3、ce.Tunafishisdoublejeopardy.Youmightavoidthetoxicbacteria—butbewareofmaggots.Istartedeatinghamburgersinsteadoftunaforlunch,butthenIreadastoryintheNewYorkPostthathamburgermeattestedaroundtownshowedparticlesofanimalshitmashedinit,andthespiceswerespikedwithrodentha

4、irs.Hotdogswerebanishedfromtheluncheonfarefollowingfeaturesoffranksfilledwithcancerouschickenwings.Ifcarcinogenicagentsdon’tphaseyou,onedoctorwrotethatthenitrateinhotdogsinhibitsone’ssexualhormones.Hormonesareanotherhorror.Ifyou’reafraidofbloodclotsandcancerfrom

5、ingestingbirthcontrolormorningafterpills—justthinkwhathappenswhenyoudevourajuicysteakfromacowchock–fullofhormonestofattenherup.Sausagecancausetrichinosis.ItsaidsorightonthepackageIboughtattheD’AgostinoSupermarket.Eggscangiveyouaheartattack.Ifthisstoryismakingyou

6、nervous,don’ttakeadrink—cirrhosisoftheliver—anddon’tpickupthatcigarette—youknowwhattheSurgeonGeneralsaid.It’sonthesideofthepack.Reachforatomato,andit’sfilledwithgasandcoveredwithDDT.Thefrozenfoodhaspreservativesandthemilkyouarefeedingyourbabycouldbewatereddown.A

7、ndyouknowwhatthey’vebeensayingaboutthewaterinNewOrleans.ItmightjustbecausingTHEBIGC!Mortalfearoftherefrigeratordrivesmefromtheapartment.ButIfreezeattheelevatorrememberingtoomanytalesofelevatorrapes.Idashthroughthevestibulewithvisionsofvestibulemurders.Subwaysare

8、out.15Toomuchofariskforawomanalone.I’mafraidtowaitforabusoracab,becauseImightgetmuggedwhileI’mwaitingorchokefromthepollution.TheNationalSafetyCouncilsayssomeonediesin